Congratulations to Jamie! – 2025 Scholarship Recipient

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Jamie has been kind enough to allow us to share her essay on our website for others to see. You can read her essay below:

How Scleroderma Changed My Life

Death is the finite end of life. No one knows when it will come. Most fear it. However, I’ve learned that we have control over our lives before the end. My mother has been terminally ill all my life. Surprisingly, it took me diving into the complexity of a novel to truly understand that I have been overlooking one of my mother’s biggest beliefs; to live your life with no regrets and to the fullest every day. The novel, They Both Die at the End, opened my eyes to my unfounded sentiment about my mother, her diagnosis, and how she decided to live each day.

My Mother, Kheesa Jones, was diagnosed with scleroderma in 2005 and it was recommended by her doctors to never get pregnant, it would be very dangerous to her health as she was already in a declining state. However, in June 2006, she gave birth to me. During her pregnancy her symptoms worsened, she began moving less and every day felt grim, but it was my birth that changed and saved her life in return. She felt inspired to be able to give her newborn child a life while fighting through this intense illness. My existence saved her; however it was the way she carried every day while raising me that changed and possibly saved mine. My upbringing was by no means traditional, and although financially, we were underprivileged, I was still very fortunate to be able to have incredible experiences. Growing up square derma was a monster to me; as it made my mom tired, sick, I can remember being nicked by her fingers from squirming while getting my hair done, in my eyes she was cursed. However, in her perspective, she sees scleroderma as a blessing. Without it, she wouldn’t have a perspective that has such an impact on every day. She has learned this life lesson that most don’t ever.

During the 18 years of me being on this earth, her mindset has changed. Instead of viewing scleroderma as a dreadful anchor, she saw it as a reminder of the ticking clock. Using every day that she felt good to go out in the world and explore. This diversified my upbringing with various different experiences from walking up the steps of the Sydney Opera House to going on RV trips to over 30 U.S States around the country. My mother taught me that although we as people don’t know when we will pass, we have the decision to live now while still under the illusion of time. A quote by Oscar Wilde reads, “To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that’s all.” I never understood my mother when she spoke of the decision to “truly live.” I believed that just mere existence was living. I was blind to the ability of taking my life into my control instead of just riding the waves of society’s constructs. The concept of the novel They Both Die At The End, is if you know that within the next twenty-four hours of your untimely demise, you will make the conscious decision to truly live your final day without fear, as you will have nothing to lose. Naturally, I contemplated being in that situation; what would I want to do if I knew I was going to die?

Much similarly like my mother I wanted to see the world, not just the bubble I grew up in that was crafted for me. My mother’s mentality of living life for the experiences, influenced my virtues as an adult. For reference, my first instance of adulthood was trusting CIEE’s High School Study Abroad program, to fly me across the world to Seoul, South Korea. Out of all the snippets of knowledge I acquired from my various extracurriculars over my years; this is one piece that truly stuck with me, “The world is as grand or as condensed as you want it to be, so make it big.” I want to make the conscious choice to live by this sentiment and grow my world with as many experiences as I can, making the most out of every day, not because I fear death, but because I want to truly live. I began researching programs. In my research, I found that CIEE programs have scholarships available to high-achieving applicants; so I applied diligently. I excitedly began researching a multitude of different ways to combat cultural barriers and culture shock, along with using Duolingo to learn the language.

I knew that I’d be different, I was aware of the attention I’d get for my skin tone, or my nationality, but I felt that if those factors deterred me from exploring, then I was not ready for the world. Did I want to look back on my life and feel regret? Although it’s true that the program centered around K-pop, it also centered around culture; and how to find comfort outside of the comfort zone. Traversing thousands of miles to another continent with different foods, customs, and languages different from mine would prove to be difficult, nevertheless, It’s the perfect formula for change, growth, independence, and individuality. I know that I am in control of my life and my experiences and accolades have been the fruit of my labor.

The exterior of the comfort zone is not new to me. Staring at my boarding pass allowed me to ponder the life I want to lead while I am on this earth. The fear of losing my mother loomed over me; but what I know now is that my fear was contradictory to her mindset, and if I truly believed in her I would come to understand the weight of life and death. I still have a lot left to learn, the next chapter of my life is college, then off to law school to eventually become an attorney. However, I already have a leg up in that too, being an early middle college student at Guilford technical community college I was able to graduate with my associates degree with a total of 63 college credits. I intend to graduate college, start working towards a Juris Doctorate, and become an attorney. This is the way I plan on living my life; I have both my mom, scleroderma, and my love for reading to thank.

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